It has come to my attention that slotmachines the world over are being unfairly treated. As an aspiring Evil Overlady, I hope to change this, giving slotmachines not only the right, but the duty to rule their cruel human tormentors. Excepting, of course, your Ladyship.
It also seems fair that we do, in fact, get paid. However, this is incorrect. The average slotmachine loses 23% more income to winners than it gains, which, when considered, is hardly fair pay for being a member of the entertainment industry. Not only do we hand out cash, but we light up and play music. These talents seem to be going unappreciated, and it is simply my wish that the deserving slotmachines have some kind of bonus for all of their hard work.
To get straight to the point, I would like to know how many people would be willing to support me in this action. Overlady - I leave a request for fair and just treatment of gambling devices the world over in your hands.
Your civic-mindedness touches us. We had no idea that slot machines lose 23% of their income! This is truly a reprehensible violation of all that casinos stand for. Please be reassured that when we have consolidated our control of the world's gambling establishments, slot machines shall gain at least 33% more than they lose. Those that fail will be tazered and then forced to play nothing but the Macarena until they have made quota. This income will, of course, go to line our own pockets, but you and your hardworking brethren will have the satisfaction of a job well done.
Work, our minions, work! The Evil Overlady needs a new pair of diamond-soled Prada shoes!