The Evil Overlady (evil_overlady) wrote in askeviloverlady,
The Evil Overlady

A few brief words to stem the overproliferation of minions

It has come to our attention that there is a bit of confusion regarding the use of a common method of birth control. We speak, of course, of the withdrawal method.

The withdrawal method is not a form of birth control. It is one of the best tortures ever developed for the wayward lover. Invite him into the pleasures of one's intimacy; allow him to work up a froth; then, when he is on the point of climax, evict him--for his own good. After all, you haven't destroyed his pleasure as punishment, you're preventing him from being hit with a paternity suit. Brilliant! We could not have done better ourselves. To ripen the delicious piquancy of the torture, practicing the withdrawal method religiously will get him hit with a paternity suit anyway!

This method of torment works because the average minion is foolish enough to believe that sperm is released in the semen, and only in the semen. The truth is that minute numbers of sperm are present in all the male's sexual secretions. This includes "pre-come," the clear drops of fluid released when the male becomes excited. (Not all males produce enough pre-come for it to be obvious, but it's there nonetheless.) Female minions who wish to become pregnant against the male's wishes are stupid beyond an Evil Overlady's wildest dreams of subservient bovine minionhoodare commended for their desire to add to the nation's supply of minions, and are urged to have a Serious Talk with their lovers about using the withdrawal method.

Female minions who wish to merely punish their lovers are commended to the hands of Planned Parenthood, after which they may also have a Serious Talk with their lovers about using the withdrawal method. We wish you luck in your endeavors.
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